In the past couple of months, I have been in such a funk with life that I had no idea which direction I was going in, that I ultimately lost my way.
One minute I knew what I was doing, what I wanted to do as if I was running confidently through the woods, leaping over fallen branches and roots, until I came to a clearing and instantly felt lost... which trees did I just come through and which trees would help me find my way home? But then I thought, do I want to go "home"? Go back to my life before I took charge of it? No I didn't want to go that home (and by "home" I mean comfort zone), but I wanted to at least know which direction I was heading. I don't bode well with uncertainty and just wanted my path to be clear, but there was more obstructing my view than just uncertainty.
I've been struggling with the old Imposter Syndrome where I honestly felt like a fake. I was scared people would criticise me for not knowing what I was talking about. I was doubting what I was writing about despite wanting to share everything with you and the world. Not feeling good enough and allowing my inner Ego to bully me/ talk down to me, and I started to believe what it was saying. Everyone knows it takes guts to put yourself out there to the world, but I was letting the Ego get the best of me when it told me not to write as the subject wouldn't be good enough or nobody was interested.
Starting this blog was the first time for me to put myself out there beyond my friends on Facebook (where I genuinely only add people that I actually know). To be vulnerable and open to criticism. I faced that fear head on last November when I made my blog live and announced it to my friends and for the first 4-5 months I was on a roll and keeping up with content, posting multiple times a week. But somehow, I let Ego set in and take the drivers seat and I started posting less. I didn't know what to write or what people would want to read. Even when I asked, I got no response which lead me down an incline spiral. I'd have the odd idea I'd follow through on, simply because I couldn't think of anything else, but nothing really that motivated me on the daily.
Slowly but surely I posted less and less and up until this point, It's been 2 months since I last posted a blog.
But in those 2 months I have also reflected. Reflected on who I am, what I've accomplished so far, where I want to go next. But in those two months I found my way back to that comfort zone of home and fell back into old habits of watching TV whilst eating food and falling asleep on the sofa ect. I was so bored at times, I'd nap up to 3 times a day when I wasn't working my full time job.
I missed having something to look forward to, to write about. I let laziness and Ego get the best of me and now, I'm ready to step back out of my comfort zone and see how far I can go and let go of the old motiveless habits that weren't serving me.
There are times when you just catch yourself pondering the deeper questions in life, being mindful of your current present. And if you take the time to delve deeper and reflect, that could be the moment you decide to change the course of your life. Take action on an idea that you've been playing with, look into that trip to the Maldives you've always wanted to book. Start making smaller specific targets that will lead you to you're ultimate goal. Start taking action for the life you see for yourself!
So here I am. Turning up. Keeping myself accountable.
I want to walk this new venture and explore all avenues possible. And honestly, I'm not even sure if there's going to be a Niche for my blog. Unless you count "Me/ Myself" as a Niche?
I realised that I'm someone who wants to experience anything and everything and cant simply box myself into a specific category. I have so many dreams and goals that go in all kinds of different directions that I want to at least try and accomplish them. All whilst sharing them with the world, in hopes of inspiring others that they (including you) can achieve anything.
I've already put it to the test on a small scale, and know that with determination and willing it can be done. It's just a matter of scaling up your dream, goal and determination that makes the work harder but oh so worth it.
So here I am proclaiming my Project Comeback. Ready to take the challenges head on by venturing into this blogging world, and to bring you with me on my journey through this story we call life from my personal perspective. I'd love to have you follow me, through the highs and the lows, accomplishments and failures.
Until next time my Queens, stay beautiful and love life
Cx.